Measuring Up

We spend a lot of time worrying about whether we measure up to someone else’s standard.  It starts as children, who are supposed to measure up to length/weight expectations when they’re born, and developmental progress as they grow.  Even after we achieve adulthood, even the status of our “adult-ness” gets measured by our parents, peers, and in our professional lives.

The reality is, that isn’t going to change.  But when we take our metaphoric measuring tapes into our spiritual lives, it starts getting both strange and destructive, I think.

In some traditions, there’s an expectation that someone needs to be a “proper person” prior to initiation, and in my case I have standards before even accepting someone as a student.  Frankly, it’s in the best interest of everyone involved to make sure it’s the “right fit” for us all.  But when the tape measure turns into a weapon, there’s a problem with someone’s ego getting in the way of their spirituality.

For example, my friend Betsy (not her real name) asked a local woman Sondra (not her real name) about the discrepancy in elemental associations for the athame and the wand between air and fire.  It’s not a bad question, because if you read enough books it’s clear that there’s a big difference of opinion on the matter.  Now, Sondra is not Betsy’s teacher.  Betsy is studying on her own, and Sondra is someone in an online discussion group who she respected enough to ask.  Sondra’s response was, in a word, horrible.  The gist of the response, with the expletives deleted, was “Why can’t you newbies learn to read and think for yourself instead of being so damned fluffy?”   Betsy was terribly upset and justifiably insulted.

So, Sondra immediately judged Betsy as not worthy of an answer, and by whatever internal standards she was using Betsy fell into the category of “fluffy”, and proceeded to verbally whip her with that metaphorical tape measure.  For folks who supposedly believe and practice “Harm none”, being abusive to another person is actively choosing to violate their own belief system.  And yes, I’m completely aware that I’m using my own measuring tape right now.

But we don’t just hurt each other with our measuring sticks, we hurt ourselves too.  We set these weird limits on ourselves such as:  “I’m too fat for that guy to be interested in me”, “I’m not smart enough for that job”, “I don’t know enough about magic to talk to other people about it”, “I can’t do love spells for myself”, “I can’t do a prosperity spell for myself to get that job”, etc.  We do these things to ourselves with our negative self-talk and sabotage every aspect of our own lives. 

As magical practitioners, we can’t work magic to effect change without remembering that it’s thought that drives it, and we MUST remember that if our thoughts can change reality then we must be more responsible for the changes we make in our own lives through self-talk.  Being kind to ourselves AND others means we all need to focus on our standards, our own limits, and respect our wants/needs without beating ourselves up and without beating other people over the head with them.

So here’s my final point… make sure the standards you expect yourself and others to live up to aren’t unreasonable.  Don’t demand that others live up to a standard you don’t.  Don’t be a jerk, it’s really not that hard to be nice.  If you’re so frustrated that you’re likely to blow up, then you need to work on your own personal stress management.  Go meditate or something.

The Chocolate Ritual

This was making the rounds via email back in the 90s, and I know a lot of people might not have seen it.  I have no idea who the author is/was, but we all got a good laugh at it so here it is - spelling and grammatical errors you find are not my own, but the unknown authors:

THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL

Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the great big one‑ as the athame), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quick and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo‑Hoo along with a goblet.

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:

(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)

Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast

No calories in thy presence last.

Let no fat adhere to me

And as I will so mote it be!

Nestle's Quick where thou art cast

Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.

Let all good things come to me,

and make my milk all chocolaty!

CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll)

CALL THE QUARTERS:

Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!

Great prince of the palace of dessert!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all moochers approaching from the East.

Fondue of the South, Molten one!

Great prince of the palace decadence!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all diets

approaching from the South.

 

Cocoa of the West, Satisfying one!

Great prince of the palace of thirst!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all carob

  approaching from the West.

 

Rocky Road of the North, Cold one!

Great prince of the palace of crunchy!

Be present we pray thee, and guard this circle from all cheap

  imitations approaching from the North.

 

MAIN RITUAL:

 

HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):

Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old called: Godiva, Ethel M., Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

 

HPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better it be when your

checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies.  In the mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more.  To you I shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be free from depression.

And as a sign that you are truly free, you shall have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you  shall munch, nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy noises all in my presence.  For mine is the  ecstasy of phenylalanine, and mine is also the joy on earth, yea, even into high orbit for my law is "melts in your mouth, not in your hand".

Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy padding pounds on your hips.  I am the gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy onto the tummies of  men and women.  Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious, and beyond death well, I  can't do much there.  Sorry about that.  I demand only your money in sacrifice, for behold,  chocolate is a business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat them.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of whose feet are the  cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and finer stores everywhere:  I, who am the  beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how they get the filling inside truffles, and fill the hearts of all but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come unto me.  For I am the soul of candy, from me do all confections spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.... and again... and again.... and again.  Before my smeared face, beloved of women and men, thine innermost divine self chocolate covered cherries all within you.  And  you who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall avail you not unless you know the Mystery:

  "We shall sell no chocolate until you pay for it" For behold: I have been with you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at nearly any shop in the land.  Messed be.

 

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was called Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many other names:

 

  HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on the floor but looks like it may not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate.  No matter how you try to resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out, and I will become your sacred prey.  I am warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store downtown.  I give you my creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the power of jaw  strength to bite off a piece of that frozen Milky Way bar and the shelter of Haagen Dazs when that big date didn't work out.  You are dear to me, and I instill in you my power of a piece of chocolate that you had forgotten you had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter a mile away.  By the powers of the half melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you, by the darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot and lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I charge you, and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you. Follow your heart and your instinct, wherever they lead you.  The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats that a Mayan king would envy.  Take joy in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo‑Hoo.  Yet you must be wary of deceit.  Eat not of that which  is called "baking chocolate", for it is vile and bitter.  Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind you.  Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a connoisseur.  Leave a little for someone else.  I am with you always, just over your shoulder, or around the next corner.  I am the Lord of Chocolate, and when you have reached the end of you hoard, I will never be further away from you than that 7‑Eleven on the corner.  I am the spirit of the wild child, the inner child who can never get quite enough.  If you are a true chocolate lover, then your soul and mine are intertwined.

 

CUPCAKES AND YOO‑HOO

(Blessing of the Yoo‑Hoo)

 

HP: Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate

HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate

HP: For both are better than the falsely named "white chocolate"

HPS: And neither one is carob

HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake

HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way bar

BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for there is no greater snack in all the world than one made of chocolate.

  (blessing of the cupcakes)

 

HP: Frosting is keen

HPS: And frosting is neat

BOTH: Great Goddess! Let's eat!

 

  (Feasting and Drinking)

 

  Dismiss quarters

 

HPS: Oh, ye mighty goodies of the __________, we thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle, and ere you depart for your sweet and sticky realms, we say unto you,  "N‑E‑S‑T‑L‑E‑S, Nestles makes the very best"

 

ALL: "Choooooooc‑laaaaate"

 

  (After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final satisfying belch at the east)

 

  Close circle

 

  Go now in perfect love, perfect trust, and perfect chocolate

Psychic Self-Care

One of the things I try to emphasize with students is the absolute essentials of psychic self-care.  Whether we walk around shielded or open, because we interact with people we see and hear things that affect our energy selves, and that needs to be cared for just as much as our physical bodies do.  Starhawk's book "Spiral Dance" has some excellent exercises for learning to visualize, ground, center, and a plethora of other useful exercises.  What I'm providing here works for me, without copying anything from anyone else. 

The simplest forms of psychic self-care to me are:

1.  Ground
2.  Center
3.  Meditate

Centering is essentially pulling your head out of the past or future and focusing your thoughts on the present moment.  You know that state of mind when you're driving alone, not listening to the radio or thinking of anything but driving where you are right then?  That's an example of a centered state of mind.  Or sitting on the toilet, concentrating on nothing but the business at hand - again, centered.  Crude, but it does effectively communicate the point.  Over the years I have trained myself to respond to a trigger word to center myself, picturing a ghost image of myself on the left (for the past) and the right (for worrying about the future) with the solid image of myself in the center with eyes closed.  When I focus on it and say the word "integrate" in my head, I am literally pulling myself into the present moment by having the two ghost images merge into my solid physical presence and open my eyes.  Takes me about a second or three these days, I think when I was figuring out how to do it it took about 10-30 seconds of concentration.

Because meditation is covered so well in so many places, I'm not going to cover it here.  But think of the following Grounding exercise as being just as essential and daily a practice as brushing your teeth.

Grounding basically entails connecting yourself to the center of the Earth and letting go of any negativity down the connecting cord, and allowing the Earth's energy to well up through you to cleanse and refill the hole the negativity may have left behind.  So here's a very simple way to do that:

Stand or sit somewhere comfortable, this really doesn't take very long at all and it's definitely easy.

Take a few deep breaths and let your mind relax, and let your muscles relax a bit (not enough to fall down if you chose to stand, let's be practical).

Now imagine a warm golden light at the base of your spine, say about the color of honey with the sun shining through it.  See the golden ball of light relax into a cord flowing down into the Earth beneath your feet, through the floor, the dirt, the bedrock, just as easy as breathing with complete comfort.  That cord of golden light reaches the molten center of the planet, connecting you to it with total comfort and safety.  Allow yourself to remember any stress or negativity that you're aware of, and just as easy as exhaling let it flow down the cord into the molten Earth where the energy can be purified and transmuted into something useful.  Feel the relief as you let each bit of tension, frustration, or even physical pain just fall away from you down into the Earth.  As you inhale, start to feel the warmth and comfort of the Earth beneath your feet rising up through the cord into you, to fill you up.  Feel it in your feet, your legs, your lungs, your spine, your hands and arms, your back, chest, neck and your head out to the tips of your hair.

When you feel free of negativity and refreshed, imagine your grounding cord drawing back up through the earth into you as comfortable and easy as inhaling and deeply filling your lungs.

Optionally, you can focus on the chakras and clearing your energy channels as well if you're an extremely detail-oriented person and if grounding just doesn't feel sufficient.

For folks who like having something to say during this exercise, I wrote this years ago and you may find it useful.  This should be done standing in a relaxed position in a quiet space if possible.

Picture energy centers irising open like a camera lens and breathing freely through them, letting negativity disperse like incense smoke on the wind.  Your mental imagery for the size of the light circles representing your chakras is important in that you should keep them about the same size.  If you see tennis balls, then they should all be tennis balls.  If you see golf balls, ditto.  If you see dinner plates or beach balls you may want to dial it down a little bit.

While most systems only cover the 7 major chakras, I include feet, and hands, eyes and ears as well, since those are the primary way we get input from the world around us and potentially get “polluted” input stuck in our auras.

Rooted through my feet
To the Earth’s central heat
The chaff flows down
The strength flows in
The cleansing
Now begins

Ruby red the root fire
Vitality and passion’s heat
Healthy, strong and balanced,
Connected to my feet.

Orange is the navel,
Emotion’s power seat
Flowing strong like water,
Safe, secure, complete.

Flaming yellow solar,
The will and egos power
Strong and balanced pulsing,
Yet open like a flower.

Glowing green the heartlight,
The source of love and health.
Breathing free and easy,
With Love the spirit’s wealth.

Down from heart to hands,
With which we touch the world.
Expressions of our power,
Like leaves that are unfurled.

Singing blue the throat,
Communication’s eased.
Expressions of our heart and soul
It flows with Ether’s breeze.

Indigo the brow,
That psychic midnight blue
It sees through all illusion
To the form that’s true.

Violet white the crown,
Connection to the all.
Open to the cosmos
And every spirit’s call.

Eyes and ears are open,
Healthy, strong and clean.
Free from any negative
Things they’ve heard and seen.

Integrated, healthy
The parts become the whole.
With no breaks in all the aura,
Balanced is my soul.

Safe from all intrusion
Yet open, flowing, free
My system’s clean and healthy
As I will so shall it be.

Gardening with the Goddess

Now that I’m unemployed, I have more time and energy for yard work, so I’ve been doing some every day.  It’s really been fantastic for me, and has helped me realize how much I’ve lost touch with the Earth by being too exhausted to properly care for my yards while I was working.  It’s also given me a “heads-up” about my lack of proper stress management.

I have tomatoes and peppers planted in the one of the beds around the border of the yard, and like the typical American a big expanse of grass that doesn’t really do anything but sit there and grow so I can walk on it.  I’m considering changing it at least in the back yard where no one sees it to criticize it or illegally seize it.  I also want to put some more beds in the front and raise edible flowers and herbs for both ritual and culinary use.

I have been working on getting the beds weed-free, but I’m plagued with Bermuda grass as well as Dallisgrass (http://www.ipm.ucdavis.edu/PMG/WEEDS/dallisgrass.html), both of which are VERY hard to get rid of.  Poisons which are bad for the environment may kill the surface, but these hardy buggers just grow back.  I consulted with a botanist about the Dallisgrass, and he said that unfortunately the most effective way to get rid of it is to rip it out by the roots.  The big, thick, ropy roots.

One thing I’ve discovered (your mileage may vary) is that if I’m focusing on spiritual matters while doing yard work the time seems to fly by.

Dallisgrass is TOUGH, and I was listening to pagan music (Welcome to Annwfn, http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/hamouris) while pulling weeds and the following conversation took place in my head:

Alan:      Goddess, WHY did you make these things so bloody tough!

Goddess:             The same reason I made you strong, so who’s stronger you or the weed?

A:            I’m pulling this stuff out and it doesn’t want to budge, could you get the Earth to let it go?

G:           It builds character to do it yourself.  I already helped you with this before you were born, what did I give you?

A:            Well, I can’t telekinetically get it out by the root, my shoulder hurts, my back hurts, and the sweat is dripping into my eyes.

G:           What do you do when brute force doesn’t work?

A:            Think of another way… oh… think..

G:           Keep going..

A:            I have tools for this, don’t I?  Like about 15 feet away.

G:           Yep, try this one  (image of the long one with the fork at the end)

A:            Duh… cut the roots into smaller pieces.  What if I slice a worm with it?

G:           Then it’s meant to be, don’t fret over what you can’t see.

A:            You’re pretty awesome, you know that?

G:           You’re sweet, stop lollygagging and get back to work  (thwacks me in the third eye, conversation ends)

I love those moments of conversation with the gods, but a lot of people think having a conversation with deity should be some complicated, difficult-to-attain long involved ritual where you sit still and contemplate your navel in a hand mirror or something.  It’s not that hard, the gods are within us and in the world around us, it’s not a long-distance call.  And frankly, if you talk to them AND listen, they might help you out.  So there you have it, one example of my personal relationship with deity.

For the record, I was addressing a particular goddess by name, but in the interest of keeping SOME things private, I replaced her name with “Goddess”. 

Dealing with the Aftermath in Aurora

By now, I’m sure most of you have heard of the shooting at the Colorado movie theater and the appalling number of dead and injured. If you haven’t, here’s a link to the CNN story, but you may want to grab a tissue first:  http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/20/us/colorado-theater-shooting/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

And, I’m guessing you probably also heard of the idiot politician from Texas and his asinine response to the shooting: 
http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/07/20/12856827-how-not-to-respond-to-a-tragedy?lite

Not only did Rachel Maddow do a good job of handling a response to him, but my friend Kallan Kennedy also responded and vented a lot of my feelings as well, here:  http://mypaganworld.blogspot.com/2012/07/an-open-letter-to-rep-louie-gohmert.html

Having dealt with some of our horror and our anger at the situation, it occurs to me there’s more the magical community can do.

I know a lot of people are already lighting candles, saying prayers for the victims, and I applaud them for their considerate acts.  I’m also thinking the larger community of Aurora Colorado needs healing from the shock, the employees of the movie theater, the uninjured witnesses, and the theater itself could use a good spiritual cleansing before any otherworldly nasty takes up residence there and feeds off of the energy saturating the place and perpetuates it.

You will, of course, have to find whatever words and actions work best for your own spiritual path, but here is what I have been saying today, to shape the energy I send to Aurora Colorado..

I call the Light to banish the shadows of fear and terror.

I call the quiet Dark to take away the terror of the place and draw the memories into the void.

I call the Air to blow clean all traces of madness and terror.

By the power of our joined tears, we wash away the blood and sorrow.

We call on the Earth to cleanse and neutralize the energies again, and allow the spirits of the place to heal and make it safe to laugh, cry, and be entertained once more.

May the community’s sorrow be finite and end at the appropriate time.

May the anger be channeled into positive change.

May the survivors be blessed with healing, and may their trauma be short-lived.

And may Justice be served.

So May It Be Done.

I'm burning a mixture of sage, rosemary, and lavender on charcoal, with white, black, and pale blue candles burning, and focusing my eyes on a map of Aurora Colorado to send the energy there.

May they find peace, and may harmony be restored.

Nurturing the Inner Parent

Often we hear people talk to us about nurturing our Inner Child, or how someone is treating themselves to something because they “deserve” it or have “earned” it.  But I listen to my Inner Child, and he keeps wanting things like electronic toys (which are expensive), sugary treats (which are unhealthy), fattening food (again, unhealthy), or he just wants to sit around and play without doing anything productive.

 

If listening to your Inner Child has become catering to his/her every whim, then you have an Inner Brat.  It’s time for your Inner Parent to take control again.  No video games til the chores are done, no treats between meals, and no frivolous spending or irresponsible behavior.

 

I’ve realized that my Inner Child is a spoiled rotten little brat in need of a good spanking.  I’m sure many of you can relate.  We’re told to cater to our Inner Child because we were deprived of something in childhood, or we were abused, or otherwise unhappy as children and that to be happy adults we need to nurture our Inner Child.  I recognize that my Inner Child represents my emotional self, and that it’s healthy to listen to him, however I think in general we go too far.

 

Your Inner Parent must be in control of your life.  The Brat shouldn’t be in charge, because that’s a sure path towards your own self destruction.  So let’s stop “rewarding” ourselves with things that aren’t good for us.  Be your own parent, and get your Inner Brat under control.  Do the chores, clean the house, exercise both your body and your mind, and revel in the tasty healthy food choices that keep your body functioning at peak efficiency.   It’s a lot easier to have a rewarding spiritual path when the body you live in is healthy, or at least as healthy as you can make it. 

 

I’m not saying we should neglect our Inner Child, continue to listen, but for goodness’ sake take away the car keys and put your Inner Parent back in control of your life!

 

Pagans Who Pray

Some people, both pagan and non-pagan, are surprised when they criticize "religious" people and I speak up and say "Hey wait a minute, I'm very religious".  I don't run around praising gods and goddesses all over the place, because my relationship with Them is quite personal and private.

But, like my grandmother, I have a list of people I pray for every night before I go to bed.  The difference is that mine is written down on a piece of paper bordered with sigils for healing, blessing, protection, and comfort because I am a witch, and that's how I roll.  On the odd occasion that I have to remove someone from the list for whatever reason, I rewrite the list.   I also consecrate it once a month when the moon is full to keep the blessing "fresh" on it.

I know that because of a lot of peoples past relationship with various Christian churches the thought of what I do horrifies them, and some even think I'm just substituting pagan god names for the Christian god and doing something I grew up with.  The catch is, I've never been Christian.  I was never baptized, never attended church, etc.  This is my pagan practice, my nightly ritual and spell work that I generally keep private.

Please note that I'm leaving a lot of details out, in the interest of *keeping* it private.  But I can't help feel like it's almost my "dirty little secret" because if a lot of my pagan friends found out, they'd probably think less of me for it.

Well to heck with it.  I'm coming out.  I'm Pagan.  I'm a Witch.  I pray, and I'm proud of it.