I’m 51, will be 52 years old in a few months and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’ve been spending some time getting to know my anxiety instead of treating it like a stalker, and facing it. At first I was afraid of it (talk about a painful circle of self-abuse) and now I’m treating it like a somewhat feral cat. But facing it means I’ve started to develop a more peaceful relationship with it. It’s seriously been impacting my life and my spiritual practice lately, too.
And you know what? That’s Ok. Major life stuff SHOULD affect your life and your spiritual practice. I’m starting to unfollow news sources on Facebook that spew nothing but tragedy, as well as people who are constantly complaining because the rest of the world doesn’t conform to their views. Not because I’m an ostrich, but because I’m being a better steward of what I let affect me. I still watch one or two news sources because they’re not panic-delivery sources, just news. Doing this is giving me more time to reflect, write, practice the piano, and do daily ritual that actually is intended to be part of my personal transformation. (Details withheld because it is personal, after all.)
I had stopped writing anything in this blog because I stopped really thinking of myself as a “Traditional Wiccan” a long time ago. I’m a witch, I practice magic, and much of the time I’m casting spells to benefit other people because that’s who I am. I’ve created a life for myself where I don’t have enemies, but I’m also not good about sharing who I am with people. In some ways, I think most people don’t care about anything deep below my surface(s). So now instead of blogging because I think anyone cares what I say, I’m blogging to record my thoughts.
I won’t publicly be taking sides in conflicts in the community, and that’s about all the promises I’m going to make for the future of this site.
There are things evolving in my personal practice that I will not share publicly, because I don’t want some book-churning author to take the concept and run with it and cheapen what I do privately. That’s the real reason for secrecy these days in magical circles, in my opinion. Keeping what’s precious and private protected, honoring your own path. I’ve recently joked about embracing my sacred inner curmudgeon and I’m OK with that.
I’m past the middle of my lifespan now, and I am being much more particular about how I spend that time. I enjoy helping others, but at the same time I have to be the one taking care of me because really no one else is going to do it. I want to make more music, laugh more, move more, and love more. Anyone who tries to bring me down on a regular basis has to go walk a different road, I simply have better ways to spend my energy and time.
So here I am, embarking on a few new projects and employing my creativity. I won’t be making any waves that anyone cares about, I just want to do things because I want to do them.